Facing Your Fears in Adulthood
How to hone your mindset to tackle your biggest challenges
A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with journalist Lauren Potts, who was writing an article about tackling her life-long fear of learning to swim. You can read about her journey in Stylist magazine. Our conversation inspired me to write this post about the benefits of facing and working to conquer our long-standing fears. It should come as no surprise to readers that this topic interests me, as facing one’s fears is a regular part of a self-optimization journey.
Facing Your Fears is a Milestone Moment
There are many benefits to be gleaned from putting effort toward conquering your long-standing fears, including psychological, emotional, and even physical ones. Facing fears can help you feel empowered and competent, first as you decide to take action and then taking those actions in service of your self-improvement goals. Outlining where you want to go gives you a sense of control and focus to help guide your future choices and actions.
Often when we approach meaningful, milestone birthdays, we reflect on what we’ve done, and haven’t done, and there may be a pull toward regret if you note discrepancies between where you are and where you want to be or the paths not taken. As we’ve previously discussed, this twinge of regret is an unavoidable part of the self-reflective process and can be useful if you use it to fuel action toward your goals moving forward. Use it to make your milestone even more memorable, marking it as the point when you initiated an important change.
Reflection on what you still want to do can serve as a powerful motivator to confront and overcome long-standing fears. When connected with a milestone birthday, it can help us to feel like we have a fresh start on what we have been avoiding. Considering why the desire to confront a specific fear or regret has arisen can also help us to recognize what we really value and working toward change reminds us there is so much more we are still able to achieve.
It is very common to hear from people older than you “but you’re still a baby” when you complain to them about your age. Keep such admonitions in mind as a reminder that the time to start is now because there is so much more time to accomplish what you want. Consider too that you can prevent yourself from feeling another twinge of regret when you reflect back ten years from now if you take action. Instead, you’ll be able to replace it with a sense of awe at all you’ve accomplished.
Why it’s Hard but You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks
There are many reasons why changing and confronting fears can feel harder the older we get. As you think about making changes, it’s worth considering whether any of these might be part of what might have been holding you back.
Fear of Failure: Adults often have a more acute sense of the consequences of failure, which may include financial instability, judgment from peers, or impacts on their family. The fear of negative outcomes can inhibit the willingness to take risks or try new things.
Set Routines and Responsibilities: As people age, they tend to establish routines and take on more responsibilities, such as career commitments, family care, or financial obligations. These routines provide a sense of security and stability, making the prospect of change more daunting. Breaking free from established routines requires not only psychological effort but also practical adjustments that can be challenging to implement.
Comfort in Familiarity: There is a natural human tendency to stick to what is known and comfortable. Adults, having spent years establishing their preferences, communities, and identities, might find it particularly challenging to step into unfamiliar territories, fearing discomfort or the unknown.
Reduced Neuroplasticity: While adults can certainly learn new skills and adapt to new situations, the brain's plasticity decreases with age. This can make the process of learning and adapting slightly slower or more challenging compared to children and adolescents, potentially discouraging adults from venturing into new areas.
Limited Energy and Health Concerns: With age, individuals may face energy constraints or health issues that can limit their capacity to engage in new or challenging activities, making the effort to push beyond the comfort zone seem less feasible or attractive.
Perceived Lack of Time: Adults often feel that they have limited time to devote to new ventures, especially when balancing multiple responsibilities. The perception of not having enough time can be a significant barrier to stepping out of one's comfort zone.
Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life
An important part of staying committed to your effort to overcome a fear is honing your mindset for success. This means making adjustment that will help you set realistic goals, maintain motivation, and evaluate your progress to keep yourself on the optimization path.
This Optimization Notes blog is all about the ways to adjust your mindset, so feel free to poke around and explore if you’re new. If you’re not, here’s a couple reminders about the important ways that mindset affects progress:
Goal Setting: Mindset influences the types of goals people set for themselves. A optimized mindset orients one to the setting of learning-oriented goals, focused on change and the process of growth, rather than ones simply focused on an outcome.
Approach to Challenges: An optimized mindset encourages a more constructive approach to challenges and obstacles. Instead of avoiding difficult tasks, reorient to value challenge as part of the process, which will increase your desire to engage with them directly, increasing the likelihood of achieving their goals.
Feedback and Criticism: How people interpret and respond to feedback is also influenced by their mindset. An optimized mindset means being open to constructive criticism and temporary setbacks, seeing them as information about areas for improvement and useful guides to make adjustments to keep advancing toward goal attainment.
Effort and Persistence: Mindset shapes perceptions of effort; it is seen as fruitful and necessary in an optimized mindset, leading to sustained effort and persistence, even when progress seems slow. Valuing hard work makes hard work a fulfilling sign that you are putting in effort and that it matters.
Adaptability: Finally, an optimized mindset sees one as always a work in progress. This belief in the potential for development makes individuals more willing to adapt their strategies and approaches in response to challenges, enhancing their ability to achieve complex and long-term goals.
In sum, it’s never too late to start a new challenge and we can face and conquer our fears even into old age. Of course, achieving these goals involves more than just setting them and persevering. We will be most successful when we adjust our mindset towards growth and adaptability. Shifting focus from outcomes to processes helps maintain motivation by valuing incremental achievements and the learning journey. Viewing failures as lessons and focusing on personal improvement encourages resilience and self-motivation. Being willing to step out of one’s comfort zone is crucial for creating opportunities that facilitate personal growth. Why not get started now?
Struggling on your optimization journey? Sign-up for a free consultation to see how mindset coaching can help. Learn more at VentToReinvent.com.
Thanks. I have been telling students in intro psych for decades that you can teach an old dog new tricks - it just might take a slightly bit longer. I revel in getting old and sometimes want to tackle new things but honestly, I get a bit lazy. One problem is there are too may of these things, LOL. I need to pick one and settle on it. For example, I started on duolingo but instead of tackling ONE language, I was simultaneously doing 3 and then I burned out. Of course. I need to pick ONE. Sigh. I used to speak all three fluently as a kid but can no longer do so at all. So thanks. I will pick one. But which one? Argh! Lol.