The Resilient Dater: Part 3
5 ways to adjust your mindset for greater relationship success
So far in this series, we have explored resilience and personal responsibility as foundational elements of both successfully seeking a partner and building a strong relationship. Part of sustaining both lies in the way that we process and respond to experiences and they underlie how we seek and initiate those experiences in the first place. Because optimizing one’s mindset is a key piece in building both, fostering healthier dating experiences and creating a solid partnership often requires shifts in mindset to transform the way we approach relationships, perceive ourselves and others, and navigate the complexities of dating.
Below, I’ve outlined several important mindset shifts that can help contribute to more positive and fulfilling dating experiences and help you in becoming a more resilient partner.
1. Shift From Outcome-Oriented to Process-Oriented
Instead of fixating on finding "the one" or achieving a specific outcome (e.g., marriage), focus on the experience of meeting new people and learning about yourself and others. This shift encourages you to value personal growth and connection over achieving a particular status or relationship milestone.
Being process-oriented helps to reinforce the idea that each experience has value as part of the journey of both finding and creating a relationship and the parallel journey of self growth. When you can reassess and see each experience as a necessary part of both processes, each becomes valuable even if they don’t turn out the way you had hoped or planned.
2. Shift Toward Acceptance of Rejection as Part of the Process
Understand that rejection is not a reflection of your worth but a natural part of the dating process. This mindset helps to reduce the fear of rejection and encourages resilience, allowing you to continue pursuing connections without undue discouragement.
There is a balance between externalizing rejection as part of the process and engaging in self-reflection to determine when a rejection experience might usefully guide you to self-improvement. For example, repeatedly learning that things are ending because of clinginess or inattention should serve as a marker that there are things you might want to work on. However, there are also times when it is important to recognize that rejection is really the result of an issue with the potential partner (e.g., they might not be ready to commit) or just simple incompatibility.
3. Shift Toward Openness and Vulnerability
Be open to showing your true self, including your vulnerabilities. This shift promotes deeper connections and reduces the anxiety around trying to appear perfect or meet perceived expectations. It's about valuing authenticity over perfection and knowing your own worth.
Furthermore, putting on a false front will not lead to developing a solid foundation. It create the potential for future disappointment when the inauthenticity is revealed and elevates stress by requiring sustained attention to the false narrative. True connection comes from knowing who someone really is. Fulfillment will not manifest when a relationship begins with falsehoods.
4. Shift To Value Patience and Timing
Acknowledge that good things often take time and that rushing a connection or relationship can be counterproductive. A patient approach to dating emphasizes the importance of letting relationships develop naturally.
This can be especially difficult in an app-based dating environment that has commoditized relationships and offers a seemingly endless stream of potential new matches. Consider taking a break from dating apps, especially when you have identified the potential for a connection.
5. Shift Toward Flexibility and Open-Mindedness
Be willing to challenge your own assumptions about the "ideal" partner or relationship. Open-mindedness can lead to unexpected connections and opportunities for happiness that might not fit your initial criteria.
Part of being open-minded can also be a shift to view dating as simply a means of finding new connections of any sort. In the vein of being process-oriented (see item 1), changing your focus to being open to learn about someone new can maintain motivation to keep trying after disappointments. Even if a long-term connection doesn’t develop, you will still experience success on this goal of having learned about someone new.
These mindset shifts can profoundly impact your dating experiences, leading to healthier interactions, increased self-awareness, and more meaningful connections. By adopting these perspectives, you can navigate the dating world with more confidence, resilience, and openness, setting the stage for more positive and fulfilling relationships.
Struggling on your optimization journey? Sign-up for a free consultation to see how mindset coaching can help. Learn more at VentToReinvent.com.