What's Your Story?
Use your narrative of the past to boost your power for the future
So many of us have heard discussions of “origin stories” in reference to the life histories of superheroes. These stories often involve tragedy before ultimate triumph. We also encounter a similarity extended to life histories in reality, for example the evocation of the concept in explications of authentic leadership. Happily, you don’t have to be a superhero or even a business tycoon to harness power from your own origin story.
The key component for our discussion here is that it is a story - a narrative woven through authoritative interpretation. I chose that term intentionally, to imply both author-generated explanation and the sense of confidence and accuracy embedded in the more common use of the word. You are the author of your own story. You can create one that helps propel you forward or holds you back. As a regular reader you know: the power of choice rests with you.
As we’ve all experienced, in life even the best laid plans can be laid to waste. The hardships and failures we experience can result from personal choices or variables we feel are outside of our control - most often from some combination of these. But whatever their origin, the choice is ours how we deal with them once these obstacles occur. The only origin story we care about is the one you write for you. Will yours be one associated with a hero or a villain? You decide - through your mindset and behaviors, your reflections on the past and choices in present - to craft a story of resilience or victimhood.
Whether an undesirable outcome develops through your own agency or not, (say you quit a job but the market isn’t as interested in you as you are in finding something new or your partner leaves you unexpectedly) you control the narrative. (I do need to pause here to emphasize that in almost every outcome, including both just mentioned, there are always at least some aspects under your control, but we will return to this in another post.) Because the choice is yours in how you script it, why not pick the description that promotes your power?
Those who choose to be victims sit in a disempowering narrative infused with self pity and craft a character situated within a world operating on them. They choose to draft a history where they are a passive agent, rather than a powerful actor in the unfolding drama. By failing to take ownership and impute agency into their legend, such individuals get stuck in the negative quicksand of victimhood that expects others to solve problems and bear responsibility for both past and future outcomes. This does nothing to alleviate upset in the moment or fuel an action-oriented mindset necessary to take on and overcome future challenges.
The victim narrative prevents one from understanding how much they can control and often prevents one from taking control of what is maximally important in the moment - their mindset. A quick Google search of motivational quotes will bring back dozens of variations on the same theme: you may not be able to control everything that happens in life, but you can always control how you react. This is where you power lies, so why not focus on writing the story that appreciates your potential for greatness?
This is a key difference between those who are victims and those who are resilient and continue to move forward - how they think about themselves and their position in the world and what they do. The victim narrative focuses mostly out, toward external forces as primary agents and places blame on others or fate or bad luck. The self-optimizing narrative focuses in, stimulating a desire to make changes and enact the behaviors that bring one closer to where they desire to be. Think here about every inspirational film montage - we get scene after scene of the resilient character doing the work to increase their power.
If you tend toward the victimhood version, you might be considering an objection here - sometimes things are really hard. No one would deny this. When things are really tough, we reach out for additional help. Again to the movies - most montages also include the main hero getting some help from others. The key is they don’t wallow, or at least not for long. Giving yourself some time to process, to be sad, to feel a loss, these are good things. We get too much messaging that we must immediately run from negative emotions. Instead, sit with them for just a bit. They are powerful teachers but a resilience narrative doesn’t keep the protagonist in such scenes for too long.
The idea that everything happens for a reason is only inspiring if you write the narrative where hardship is integral to self-growth and lays the foundation for manifesting your power. The ‘reason’ in this instance is nothing more than the meaning you give to events within the story of who you are and how these experiences help propel you to who you want to be. This interpretation fuels a mindset that supports your exercise of power over your thoughts and actions to engage more fully in doing the hard work of self-improvement.
There is no hack, it’s simple: the difference between who you are and who you want to be is how you think and what you do. Use your origin story to ignite your growth. You have creative control, so make sure to pen a version that discourages complacency and victimhood by chronicling your power and resilience instead. Why not be the badass star who rises to the challenge time and again? The choice is yours…will you accept the challenge?
