Vent to Reinvent

Misery may love company, but the right company can turn misery into comedy.

When I named by coaching business “Vent to Reinvent,” I had a specific purpose in mind. We all need space to get things of our chest and venting can be a powerful source of relief. But, venting with the wrong mindset can keep you stuck rather than propel you forward.

There is a difference between being negative and discussing things that bother you. Being negative is an unhelpful way of interacting with the world that causes one to interpret all events through the pall of unpleasantness. Instead of being able to see both the good and the bad in situations, those who view the world through a negative lens focus only on what’s not working or not working out. A negative perspective also causes one to view others behavior with suspicion and see the worse possible outcome in all situations. If you need an example of this type of worldview, look no further than reporting in most mainstream media outlets.

In contrast, discussing things that bother you is not necessarily negative. Sure, you might end up talking about something that is unpleasant, but this doesn’t mean the conversation has to be a downer. One of the best ways to help move past something upsetting is to reinterpret it with a more productive bend. That is, you can vent to reinvent the narrative to help you make progress.

When we vent we share our story, and in so doing we create an interpretation of our life experiences. I have previously discussed the the power of self-narratives

in driving change and fueling motivation. Part of what influences the nature of our interpretations is the individuals we choose to share with. Just as you’d act differently when going to a bar with family, friends or a date, the story you tell gets an interpretive nudge based on the different listeners with whom we share. Because you choose the people you share with, you can use your power to harness an audience that fuels your growth.

I’d recommend finding people who help you see the humor in your challenges. Humor is a powerful tool to help make even the worse experiences pack a weaker punch. This doesn’t mean that it is always appropriate to make light of struggle and we all know the familiar phrase: “too soon.” Being sensitive to those going through hardship is important. However, ask most people and they can tell you that, with time and distance, even terrible events can become funny - and it’s so freeing when they do.

You gain power by adjusting your interpretation of harm with humor to help yourself overcome the struggle and impact. In today’s climate that actively teaches people to take offense at even the smallest slight and to endlessly search for reasons to feel vexed, it’s time to retrain our mindset to one that is more productive. We can reorient to see “too soon” as a sign that someone is not interested in utilizing the power of humor to turn misery into comedy. Such an individual is not yet positioned to vent to reinvent.

But you can be. Almost everything has a funny side, you just have to challenge yourself to adopt some distance to see it. By distance, I mean pushing yourself to separate self from the situation. Release the connection to your ego and try to appreciate it from a different perspective. Remember, seeing the humor in something doesn’t undermine the fact that it was impactful. In life we all experience hardships. The difference between those who move forward toward growth and those who don’t is related in part to the choices they make about where to sit. Does one choose to sit as a victim and let a hardship or challenge define them or does one choose to sit in a position of power, using the resources at their disposal to help define a new path forward? Use your power of choice to opt for the latter.

While the research has methodological challenges, there is evidence that individuals with a good sense of humor are happier, healthier and more successful. This shouldn’t come as a surprise. Consider how much better you feel after a venting session full of laugher. How much more motivated are you when you aren’t mired down in victim mindset? Surround yourself with more of the people who help you laugh when all you want to do is cry. Connect with people who are not afraid to see the humor in the tough stuff. Vent only to reinvent. Change your mindset so you too can turn misery into comedy, helping bolster yourself with another powerful tool to help you overcome.