F*ck FOMO...Try LOMO (Loving the Opportunity to Miss Out)

Exercise your power of choice in opting to engage only with what fuels your growth

The concept of FOMO, fear of missing out, originated in the early 2000’s and took hold as a concept toward 2010 or so. Many have argued that social sharing sites, such as Facebook, which allow others to easily share the curated versions of their lives with others increased access to the information of what others were doing, with the consequence of activating comparison with one’s own activity (or dearth thereof). Additionally, the immediacy of texting and the ever-present new content on social media apps has fueled a sense that there is a never-ending stream of information to share, experiences to be had, and ideas to be learned. FOMO has been highlighted by mental health professionals as something contributing to anxiety and depression and negative self-evaluations stemming from the social comparison processes entailed are unsurprising.

When I hear people talk about FOMO, it is often with a sense that there is nothing they can do about it, that the presence of other people doing and sharing activities and information requires both one’s attention and one’s negative response. This conclusion views the self as powerless and is inaccurate. FOMO can be combatted with mindset control and behaviors. It’s time to consider LOMO instead - loving the opportunity to miss out.

In the limited time that we are allotted, we make choices about what to pay attention to and where to allocate our time. FOMO results from making the wrong choices. If you attend to and constantly consume information that displays for you what you are not doing, of course you will feel like you are missing out. If you instead direct your attention to your experiences and the choices you make about what to focus on, you will no longer be plagued by FOMO. Don’t waste attention on what you are not doing. This distraction reduces your ability to engage directly with the task at hand. The key is a mindset shift that views focus as valuable and working toward a few deeply meaningful outcomes as desirable.

In order to be great at something, one must focus and put effort into learning the relevant information and practicing the behaviors associated with the desired outcome. The time and effort your put into your greatness is necessarily time and effort not spent on something else. This is a good thing - working toward any goal requires missing out on working toward something else. If you make the choice to work toward goals and outcomes that you value, then missing out on other activities is a clear indication of your power to control your experience.

Importantly, when you make the choice to miss out by narrowing your focus, you might feel a bit of regret or a pang of guilt. If so, first appreciate that this is ok. Negative emotions get a bad rap but they are incredibly valuable. Use them to stimulate self-reflection and consider why you are feeling the negative twinge. It may be that your upset is a sign that you are not, in fact, working toward an outcome of value. If so, adjust your focus and energy to work on what is. If you notice that the negative response is derived from comparison and jealousy, then adjust your mindset to avoid this consequence.

You have the power to control your attention and effort and these choices about where to direct your time and attention create the reality you inhabit, influencing your emotions, motivation and behaviors. Believing that FOMO “is a thing” that has power to negatively impact you is an unhelpful mindset that you can work to change. Embrace and appreciate your limited attentional capacity by exercising your focus. In so doing, you’ll learn to love how freeing it is to miss out on what drags you down.